Today was crap for various reasons

Every time I try to look for some inspirational type testimonies from partially sighted individuals they are either pretty much blind from birth and very young or really, really old. It seems as if there is none between the ages of 25 and 55 with my particular issues, at least none that write about it. Old people go on about their kids and grand kids, the young people about how inspirational they are. Just when you think you might get something useful they hit you with the "Jesus is Lord" trip. How in the fuck is your particular praying habits supposed to help me cross a fucking street? I am so sick of people in these lame support groups being old as fuck or going off about how being a mother gets them through and how "blessed" they are. I don't feel blessed. Not at all. I guess it could be worse, but it's pretty hard to figure out how.

The Social isolation is punishing. Apparently it's quite common and I am becoming afraid of it becoming a persistent state. I try so hard to connect with the world, but it seems as if it is not so interested in connecting with me.

Today I met with a person from one of the "Hook a blind bastard up" type organizations. She was really nice and helpful and is going to supply me with a bunch of very useful low vision tools. As I speak with more and more of these people I am discovering that my emotional issues are far from uncommon and that many people can not climb the hurdle. I am sick of this prison called my body. I want to be free, but I know I will never be.

Navigating life is hard enough, but falling over shit all day makes it that much harder. Harder still, is finding someone to talk to. I don't want to be like the Old folks who only talk about their aching back, neck, leg, goiter, Sphincter whatever. However, I really need to talk about it. I am holding so much inside I feel oftentimes as if I am going to crack. Everybody's too tired, busy, distracted. Their issues often seem minimal and transitory, while mine are oppressive, on going, and unlikely to improve. People often tell me that."friends" don't act this way or that. What they do not realize is they are describing them selves. If one eliminates every person who does not do what a friend is supposed to do, you end up alone. My disease itself and all the presenting symptoms are very rare. The way I actually experience sight is extremely uncommon, and extremely uncomfortable. The only thing I have in common with most people is that we are human and feel emotions. When I attempt to describe my thoughts, they mean well, but I am left feeling that the interaction is incomplete and abortive.

I just want someone to listen to me and not tell me the 10,000 reasons I am wrong. I am always frightened and I am so fucking sick of it and tired I want to vomit.